agonizing
i think i am expending too many braincells on this website as of late. in light of the filegarden outage, i have been trying and superbly struggling to implement responsive navigation menus to my currently published pages. it was a very very annoying ordeal. i did it but at what cost.
combined with that and the shell my website now looks like without the file links to fonts and images i have just felt like a failure. i fucked up by putting everything in filegarden (even if it was at the behest of a friendly sheezy suggesting it when i was starting out neocities!). it's like i don't actually know what i am doing. but fuck i think i know plenty, plenty more than i knew when i first made my neocities and abandoned my site as soon as i made it. but now i am treading close to not only advanced shit but necessary shit. so i just dont feel cut out for coding at all.
css gets messy so so quickly ;w;
did you know once upon a time i drew pictures???? i remembered this when i was making my art portfolio page (which i am still legitimately proud of). i drew pictures!!! i made art!!! i had characters!!!!! whom i acknowledged in creation!!!!!!!! what!!
it's been a while since i drew, basically. i finished a zine piece that i started in october (october) + my jojo banner which i am still somewhat unpleased with in a few ways but that's pretty much it in recent memory. doesn't that fucking suck. and idk i feel so numb at the thought of drawing maybe im just over it. maybe thats it
(another woe of drawing is that i have a very fancy year-old sketchbook i was once salavating over to get that i have barely filled because i am overwhelmed by it, even though this never stopped me with my past sketchbooks, and also my digital file backup for procreate is extremely behind/all over the place and i dont even wanna think about looking at all the stuff i havent kept track of since i last updated both the written list of files and the actual backups)
i have siad it too many times now but i probably really do need to just take a nap from thinking about the site and focus on my other hobbies. i was playing miitopia for the nth time (might finally be getting tired of that game though :[), i was writing fanfic/lore for it (i was on a steady roll before the site came into my life), I WANNA DRAW AGAAAAIIIIN!!!!!!!! I AM CAPABLE OF DRAWING PRETTY PICTURES BUT I AM NOT PROVING MYSEEEELF!!!!! GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i still wanna write here tho even if i consider it an extension of my website. i quite love this platform even if i am exposed to literally no one (as god intended!). so i might end up posting some non-website related stuff for once just to feel something and hopefully get my silly thoughts (mainly pertaining to miitopia) out there but not Too Out There. okayyyyyy ugh i need to go to bed it's like 11pm :,3333